Facebook, Privacy, and Marital Oneness

IMG_4614Maybe it’s me, but there seem to be an awful lot of couples posting things on their facebook accounts to each other about their relationship. From “you’re the best boyfriend ever” to “he said ______ when he proposed” to “I’m pregnant, Honey”.

Now, the emotional side of a relationship is just as real as the sexual one. Making out in public is unacceptable, but the emotional equivalent is almost expected online. Nobody minds if a couple holds hands, or gives each other a peck on the cheek, but even unbelievers keep public displays of affection under control when there are other people around. But so often, Christian couples are “over the top” in their emotional interaction online. Continue reading

Of Course Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed

early dateSo is dating. So is marriage. That’s because the people in all of these situations are sinners, so anything they touch will, in some way, be damaged by sin. But blaming “courtship” (or your Vision Forum straw man version thereof) for “dragon” fathers, spineless spinsters, and poor young men who are getting crushed by the courtship machine seems extreme. At the very least, it indicates the need for an understanding of the biblical concept of covenant headship. The arguments in this article are so fundamentally flawed, one has to wonder what sort of homeschooling education produces this logic, or what social bubble spawned the idea that “courtship dads” are more abusive than others. Caricatures are simply not helpful; here are some counter points that may help clearer thinking about courtship. Continue reading

Open Letter to a Woman With an Adulterous Husband

1024px-Briefoeffner_mit_kuvert_und_hand_fcmThe following blog post is an anonymous guest contribution; the author wants to come alongside and comfort women who find themselves in this very painful circumstance.

I’m so sorry to hear of your husband’s unfaithfulness to you. From my experience there is nothing more deflating, demoralizing and hurtful more than this type of rejection. I could say, “I know how you feel,” but the circumstances and situation from affair to affair are all different. So I can’t say with all confidence that I know exactly how you feel. The truth is, only God knows this type of rejection. Continue reading

It Matters Whom You Marry, Book Version

it-matters-whom-you-marry When we posted the article, “It Matters Whom You Marry,” a couple years ago, we were amazed to see it reach millions of readers all over the world. It was reblogged dozens of times and translated into several languages (Portuguese, Hungarian, Bosnian, and others). On Monday, Christian Focus Publications will release the book version in the U. S.: Your Future Other Half: It Matters Whom You Marry. Here is a taste from the introduction: Continue reading

When Divorce is Good and Holy

775px-Yury_Pen-Divorce Why is infidelity so rampant and pornography so prolific in the evangelical church?

Is it in part because we fail to see lawful divorce as good and holy?

Here is a not unheard-of scenario in the life of the church: a wife discovers the devastating, sickening reality that her spouse is an adulterer. The husband is either engaged in a physical affair with someone else, or virtual, pornographic affairs with multiple others. The betrayed spouse calls her elder or pastor. The leadership of the church steps in to provide shepherding, counsel, and discipline. Continue reading

Adultery Prevention

walkinQU One of the most depressing aspects of blogging is having a blog post ready, then checking Challies before you post, only to see him tackle the same subject earlier this morning. But if that post was how people fall into extra marital affairs, then this is how people who have remained faithfully married have, by grace, done so. Here are some practical ways to maintain faithfulness to your spouse. (I am writing from a woman’s perspective, but much of this would apply to husbands as well.)

Maybe you’ve noticed that someone has singled you out for conversation at church. Again. They’re active in your social media life, liking everything you post. Maybe they’ve sent you a text or two. You realize that there is certainly some attraction there. If you’re married, it could be the start of an affair. Continue reading

Dear Young, Christian Husband With a Job and Healthy Wife Who Wants a Baby

keene-mass-empty-bassinetI’ve never met you—I don’t think your wife has, either, so sorry to break into your day like this. A friend of your wife’s asked me to write and tell you something. Your wife has been trying to tell you for a while, but so far, it doesn’t seem like you can hear: your wife wants a baby.

“Wants” might not be the right word; it might make her desire seem less serious. Did you know that your wife spends a lot of time crying about this – when you’re not around, because she doesn’t want to upset you or disrespect you? She calls her friends up when she needs to talk about this and they do their best to comfort her, but it’s really not much. She avoids the baby section of the grocery store because one time she went through it and ended up sobbing in the parking lot without the groceries. She is not being a suck. She is suffering. Continue reading

Sexual Godliness (2/2)

III. The Devastation of Sexual Sin

Sexual sin is profoundly offensive to God and he attaches dire consequences to those who practice it. In the Old Testament under Mosaic law, adultery was punishable by death. And the Bible is full of grave warnings promising destruction to those who are sexually immoral.

The book of Proverbs is full of these warnings: “The lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol” (5:3-5); “He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself” (6:32); “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life” (7:22-23). Continue reading