Men and Hospitality?

230px-Schweizerhaus18 Last week I reviewed a book on hospitality for someone. It was good, but like most books on hospitality, it seemed to be directed at women. That’s not all bad; we need help! But Scripture’s command to practice hospitality is not merely to women. In fact, when we look at Scripture, it is almost always the men – the husbands – who are directing the hospitality. This is true from Abraham (Gen. 18:6-7) to Manoah (Judges 13:15)  to Boaz (Ruth 2:14) to Gaius (Rom. 16:23), with a few notable exceptions, such as Abigail’s husband, the harsh and unkind Nabal (1 Sam. 25:3). Women like Lydia (Acts 16:15) stand out as examples of women leading their families in this area.

And yet today in the church, we treat hospitality as though it’s largely the woman’s job–unless the man happens to love cooking. Perhaps part of this is because, unlike thousands of years ago, men today work outside the home; very few guys are on hand to slaughter fattened calves hours before a dinner party. But perhaps another part of it is be an unhealthy mix of unthinking abdication on the man’s part, and unthinking dominance on the woman’s.

Regardless of a husband’s working hours, cooking abilities, or social preferences, there are things that husbands can do to lead in showing hospitality. Continue reading

Stay-at-Home Martyr?

saint-at-homeHave you ever asked a married woman what she does only to get a wearied, saintly look and hear, “I’m a stay at home mom.” I know that I have given that answer, with that look on my face. With rising recognition that work in the home is legitimate and challenging, a too-common attitude has arisen among evangelical mothers: we have the hardest job in the world (especially if we home school). Good job we realize that it’s the most important job as well, or we’d drop dead of exhaustion.

But it just isn’t so. Don’t get me wrong–staying at home and caring for children is hard work! Continue reading

Home for the Holidays

porch lightsIf you are a university student, this is probably your first week of holiday bliss: your own room, real food, and your laundry magically cleans itself. One of my professors told the class in early December that we looked dreadfully grey; we were to go home, sleep a lot and eat our greens for two weeks solid. Good advice for any hard working student.

But while you’re eating your veggies before an early bedtime (or your whole wheat toast after waking up late), it might be good to remember a few things. Continue reading

Two Kinds of Grief at Christmas

laneRecently, I listened to a talk on Mary Winslow. She suffered much in her life, burying several children and losing her husband after she had sailed from England to America with her ten children. Those kinds of loses are deep, dark valleys. They come because we live in a Genesis 3 world – cursed because of original sin.

But as I thought about Mary Winslow and other past saints who suffered similar griefs from death and illness, I wondered if in our lives, our griefs often come in the form of consequences directly related to specific sins. Continue reading

Food at Christmas

I love food. I love planning menus, grocery shopping, cooking—and eating. Especially during the holidays. Really, the only thing I don’t like about food is the dishes that I have to wash after the meal is done.

I’m a pretty typical North American in my love for eating. Our culture pushes food in unbelievable ways. We have food blogs, foodies, celebrity chefs, food documentaries, an entire tv channel devoted to food, and well over 500,000 restaurants in the U.S. alone. Our grocery stores are so large that the American government assigns people to help refugees navigate the aisles and tell them not to eat anything from the pet section.

In other words, we’re over the top. Continue reading

The How of Hospitality

A couple days ago a young wife and mother asked me about hospitality. She grew up in a home where there were very few guests, so she never had patterns of hospitality passed along to her. Convicted that Scripture commands this of Christians (Rom. 12:13; I Peter 4:9), she was wondering how to make it work, especially with children in the home. Here are ten tips, mostly from my mother, that I came up with:

First, think about whom to invite. We need to practice hospitality the same way that our pastors preach the gospel – promiscuously. Preachers are taught to think about the different categories in their congregation so that they can preach to all sorts and conditions of men. We need to do the same when we think of who to have into our homes; singles, families, widows, rich, poor, educated, ignorant, every age and every race – everyone should be welcome. Continue reading

De-Clutter

In North America, we’ve got a lot of stuff, and a lot of stuff that we don’t need. I’ve been talking with a few friends about clutter and de-junking the house. How do we decide what to purge? After we’ve thrown out the garbage, how do we decide what to keep and what to give to Goodwill? How do we use the material blessings which the Lord has given us without beginning to “store up treasure on earth”? Continue reading

Hospitality 102

The most important way to get ready for hospitality is to prepare your heart. This is sometimes harder than preparing your home. Washington Irving said that, “There is an emanation from the heart in genuine hospitality, which cannot be described, but is immediately felt, and puts the stranger at once at his ease.” And the way to develop this emanation is to have a Christ-like love for your guests. It does not come naturally; it’s something we need to work at, some of us more than others.

Usually, when we invite people over, we expect to put some work into it, but get a nice meal and a friendly visit out of it. Sometimes, that is what happens, but other times, visiting children reject your food and mess up the entire house; believers are critical of the church or other believers, or unbelieving guests are ungrateful, use crude language and even pocket your silver spoons (which has happened to a friend of mine).

When things like this happen, we feel somehow cheated; our hospitality didn’t make us feel the way that we wanted it to. But when guests leave and we feel cheated or down, it is almost always because our hearts were not right before God when the guests walked in the door. A twentieth century Canadian missionary to China had this motto: “seek to give much; expect nothing in return.” And that is how we need to prepare ourselves for hospitality. God has given us everything, including our guests, and if the visit does not bless us, then it will sanctify us. Feeling that all that work was wasted on people who don’t deserve it or appreciate it reveals that my heart was not ready to serve unconditionally, as the Lord calls me to.

My sister called me one morning after she had a terrible experience with guests. On a tight budget and pregnant, she still tries to make hospitality a priority. Usually, she is tired but happy after a visit, but this one left her very frustrated: the guests would not converse, everything went poorly, and she was left with a huge pile of dishes to wash before the evening service.

When my sister called me the next morning, she said that after initial feelings of being cheated, she felt convicted; she realized that she had invited these people expecting thanks, encouragement, and maybe a little help. She had invited them partly to get something out of it for her. Once she realized and confessed her sin, she had a renewed sense of the purpose of hospitality. She told me, “I can’t do it for me, I can’t even do it just for other people; I have to do it for Christ. That’s the only kind of hospitality that God really loves.”

Preparing your heart before your guests come will enable you to practice hospitality for Jesus’ sake – to love your guests because Christ loved you first, to minister to them because the people who are least appealing are the ones who most need gospel care. This kind of hospitality might leave you tired and emotionally worn at the end of an evening (you might even be missing a few silver spoons), but it is the kind of hospitality that will not be consumed with the straw and stubble of this world – it is the kind of hospitality that God values and rewards.